Something is wrong with my lb account - all my edit buttons and stuff are gone. I can’t put in photos or do more complicated edits to my entries.
Anyway that is only part of the reason why I’ve not been blogging much.
I guess I’ve come to the point where I’m no longer comfortable about revealing things.and.people close to my heart online, and thoughts.and.words I really want to say but not here for everyone to see / pick on / draw conclusions yadda yadda. A friend - the one known as The Nemesis in the bar - recently commented [with some regret *amused*] that it is difficult to aggravate me online because I seldom touch on very personal stuff despite my writings on my blog, on plurk and other online places people that can reach me on. Untouchable. How perceptive of him.
There also things moving along in my life which are uncertain and unconfirmed, which make it hard for me to write about, however much I want to do so. Happy things should be shared, yet I hesitate to.. for now. Do.not.want.to.jinx.stuff.
Some things happening with some people from the bar makes me feeling not just a little discomfited. I’m not close to them two, that gal and the other gal, but I find myself worrying for them; not so much for the former but more for the latter. Of course the worries are based on conjecture, putting bits and pieces together, and kinda unfounded, but I can’t help worrying for them nonetheless. It is not in my place to ask after them though, nor ‘push’ my kaypohness in, so I guess things have to remain as they are.
One word for another reason of my bloglessness: work.
I have never felt so ‘dry’ about blogging before. I no longer have anything to write about. Or maybe I have way too many things to write but do not know how to write. Or maybe I know how to write them but do not want to reveal. Or maybe I want to reveal but am bound by friendship and links and the past to do it. Or maybe I just don’t have the capability nor the time anymore.
So.. til the next time, people… whenever I’m comfy..
it’s the little things.. that makes me smile. the little kisses planted on my forehead, whenever. anecodes about his friends and hilarious things that they do. when he said i want to learn about the things you dislike, not just the things you like. how his grip never loosen from my fingers even though he was fast asleep [and thus i couldn’t turn on other side when i’d wanted to]. oh-so-heartmelting.
it’s the little things.. that catches me off-balanced. spontaneous grocery and sangria shopping at holland v late at night. the camaraderie and dynamics of the house; 7 people [including me] around doing their own things, yet never leaving anyone totally out. her asking me to join the group for her wedding in december even though that was only the second time she met me. them inviting me up and offering chocolate milkshake with baileys and dragonfruit vodka [uh huh uh huh] at random timings. oh-so-naturally.
it’s the little things.. that ping my heart. when he looked into my eyes and said you’re still you it doesn’t change anything after i told him my ’secret’. coffee in the morning, and homecooked dinner in the evening. the but i like your hair even though it was wildly mused up and all sadako-ish. calling and talking to me until i was safely home even though he was that close to falling asleep. oh-so-sweet.
it doesn’t have to be anything. it can just be the sound of your laughter, thrown in the air; natural and unsuppressed, the way your eyes crinkle up with joy, how you place your head against your arm on the table, shoulders shaking uncontrollably with mirth when something tickles your funny bone.
it doesn’t have to be anything. it can just be the quickness in which you play along and rebut my exaggerated sarcastic statements with yours, or how you attempt to speak in the language which you were not taught [not too badly, if i might say], the helpless S.O.S signals you sent me when Miss Host rattled on in the foreign language, oblivious to our.. deficiency in it. it can also be hearing your gentle calming voice over the line, and the smile that comes along with it.
it doesn’t have to be anything. it can just be the way you look from across the table, or how you busy yourself with your mobile; fingers flying nimbly across the screen. it can be you cooking our dinner at home; concentrating hard on the task at hand, head bent, eyes on the frying pan, or you making coffee for us in the morning.
it doesn’t have to be anything. it can just be how you let me meet the group[s] and were unafraid of showing affection; you do not hide and keep me in the shadows [to a certain extent i guess]. it can be the way you hum and sing in my presence, or how your eyes pierce mine when we dance, or the little actions you do almost unconsciously. it can be you being serious and sharing when i really need you to; it calms my paper-mache core, or you apologising to me for the lack-of-flower-giving when you noticed a bouquet on a table near us, or you chasing me halfway up the stairs to send me to my doorstep.
What craaaazy busy 5 days it has been! I feel almost normal again [not normal being the past few months where I didn’t have a social life]!
I was in a holiday mood even before my actual day itself, but had to suppress it because of the amount of work waiting for me to clear. :/
Twas a pity I didn’t have my camera with me the past couple of days. Wonderful moments should be captured and immortalised. Urm, I was too busy enjoying myself half the time to snap anything anyway.
