Archive for the 'soundbites' Category

Crazy Talk

s t a r m | s t March 22nd, 2008

Of sacrifices: 

Me [to a friend who's looking for a new job]: What will you be willing to sacrifice for your new job?
Her: Erm…… my soul?

Of making full use of what you have:

Me: I think he really wants to go clubbing at St James.
Hina: Club at home lah! Play the music from your laptop.
Him: What about the lighting?
Taurus: You can on-off your room light switch.
Him: Right, and I have to stand there and press it all the time.
Me: Ask your brother to help you with the lights. Dohz.
Hina [deadpanned]: Cannot, wait people think it’s a haunted room, with all the blinking lights.
Him: Haha! Hey! *lightbulb appeared* I should put a notice outside my door - St Jim’s [his name] Club.
Us: -_______-” Laammmeee…

Speak Spack Spoke

s t a r m | s t March 11th, 2008

How to tell when one has been facebooking too much:

Me [felt a tickle on my waist, turned to Rich suspiciously]: Did you just poke me?
Rich [innocent face]: No… *pause* Superpoke!
Me: -____-|||

On over-eating:

Biggie boss arrived from Denmark only to be shocked by the amount / way Singaporeans eat during buffets.

Biggie boss [chopsticks poised in mid-air when the plates of food kept coming]: Is there a war coming?
******
Biggie boss: We should all roll ourselves back to office later.
******

On job choices / decisions:

Convos with him is always traumatising.

Cowboy Caleb: I had a nightmare you know.. both sides [job offers] refused to take no for an answer.. kept upping the stakes.
Me: Erm. That doesn’t exactly constitutes as a nightmare.
Cowboy Caleb: Well, being unable to choose makes me very uncomfortable loh.
Cowboy Caleb [matter-of-factly]: It’s like a woman telling me I can either have the b***j*b in the bath or the b***j*b in the shower but not in both.
Cowboy Caleb: hahahwahahahaha
Me: What the!! What an analogy lah!!!

NC18

s t a r m | s t February 10th, 2008

I am very ill. He is very hungover-ed. Then came this inane conversation. 

Cowboy Caleb: hey i got an idea how you can traumatize your doctor [dentist] tomorrow

starm|st: -_-”

starm|st: whaaaatttt

starm|st: i’ll cough in his face when he checks my teeth

Cowboy Caleb: you know how clinics are always nippy cold???

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Conversations [II]

s t a r m | s t December 19th, 2007

[I've lost my blogging mojo. Been so random lately.] 

On mahjong: 
Me: Are we playing for Pride and Honour or for Greed and Sin tomorrow?
Friend C: We are playing strip mahjong.
Me: Okthksbye.

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Conversations

s t a r m | s t December 6th, 2007

Me: Can I have your home address?
Me: Thanks. Sending something to you.
Yahwee: No problem. Christmas card huh.
Me: Nopie!
*prolonged silence*
Yahwee: GASP. Wedding invite!
Me: LIKE REAL.

Me: Which part of India are you going to?
Hina: Sikkism..
Me: Huh. It sounds like something else..
Me: Like Kiasuism.
Me: Skepticism.
Me: Sarcasm.
Me: Sikkism.
Hina: -___-”

Luvphobia: She’s [his other half] the missus, not the gf.
Me [half-teasing]: What’s the difference between The Missus and The Gf?
Luvphobia: The Missus is the one I intend to get married to.
Me: Hmm, so what’s the male version of The Missus?
Luvphobia [very matter-of-factly]: Male version is affectionately known as ‘That Pig’.

Do or Die

s t a r m | s t November 1st, 2007

Recently, the four of us were in a cab heading to Pasir Ris when the cab driver let out a very.. deadly smell.

The chatter stopped abruptly, with everyone trying to hold their breath. Sweet mother of…. we need fresh air.

After alighting from the cab, Mellie remarked blandly “See, the moral of the story is… we should have taken a COMFORT cab instead.”

*faints*

One by One

s t a r m | s t July 29th, 2007

I should really compile a mini-book on all these.. erm. liners they give.

Him: Excuse me for asking, but do you have any chinese blood in you?
Me [taken aback but amused at the same time]: Yes I do..
Him: Oh… You… have the loveliest blue eyes I have ever seen.
Me [natural reaction was to correct him, which became the lamest reply ever]: Actually.. they’re grey.

Untouchable

s t a r m | s t July 22nd, 2007

Me: *saw bespectacled guy trying to get my attention, but ignored him*
Another guy from same group who looks very like Marquis xtomic’s dance instructor: *tap me on shoulder* Hey, would you like to come over and dance with us?
Me: *secretly panicky* Erm, no?
Guy: Can I dance with you then?
Me [trying to think of an excuse but blanked out 'cos still panicky]: I’m with my friends.
Guy: Where are they?
Me: *gestured to the two babes*
Guy: Oh. Anyway, we’ll be right here. *gestured at present position* I’d like to get to know you better. If you want, you can come over to join us.
Me: Right.
Guy: *mumbled something indistinct*
Me: What??
Guy: What’s your name?
Me: It’s ‘Not Interested’.
Guy: Oh.. Untouchable huh?
Me: Yep.

Then again, the last time I was there, I wasn’t. Ghosts of him and me, haunting me wherever, whenever.

Wordplay

s t a r m | s t April 27th, 2007

It’s interesting how a sharing session cum meeting at the workplace can be peppered so much innuendoes.

The OT [Occupational Therapist] was sharing about the things that OTs do.

OT: … and then there’s oral massage. Do you guys do oral massage too?
Md & Queenlady: *burst into loud uncontrollable laughter*
OT & the rest of us: *befuddled*
Queenlady [amidst laughter]: No, we don’t do oral massage here.
The rest of us: . . . . .

OT: … it depends. Like some of them cannot lift up the spoons, some of them are unable to suck, some cannot blow through straws..
Queenlady [quietly]: Hmm, suck….
Me: -____-”

DoReMiFa: I heard that the female praying mantis bites off the males’ heads while doing it. [Ed: Now how we even get to this topic during a meeting I don't know]
Most of us: Wha-aat?!?!
Me [laughing]: Yeah, I heard of that too.. Learned about it from a show.
Shar: I wonder if the male praying mantis knows before they do it!
Queenlady: Yah, it’s like… *pretends to be female praying mantis* Do you have any last wish?
Md: Lust wish you mean.

Queenlady [passing a plate over]: Would you like to have the fish and the… white stuff [tar tar sauce]?

Flummoxed

s t a r m | s t March 26th, 2007

Weekends have been so busy it’s crazy.

We took a drive up to Malacca over one of the recent weekends to escape Sg for a while.

On the way up, the driver went “Oh no, I think I got caught [for speeding].”
Me [turning in my seat and searching for the cops and not seeing any]: Where?!? I don’t see any police! How do you know??
Him [resigned look on face]: I know.

One minute later, Mr Cop pulled up behind us.

Mr Cop [not totally serious-looking]: You ah, you were clocking 128 km / hour, do you know that?
Him [just as not-totally-serious too]: Sorry ah Sir..
Mr Cop: Our radar caught you from 7 km away you know..
Me [certain that Mr Cop will fine us]: =(
Him [digging the pocket of pants and producing 50 RM]: Sorry Sir, can give chance?
Me: ???
Mr Cop [taking the 50 RM]: Okay, chance.
Him: =)
Mr Cop: =)
Me: !!!*ding ding ding. lai friendly lai..*

Guess what we ate?

The famous chicken rice balls!

And then on the way back…

Driver: Oh no, I’m caught again.
Me: WH-AAAT??? Again?!? *turn around only to see him digging his pockets for money again* !!!
Him: *sighing to himself and ignoring me* Nevermind, I’d like to see for myself that radar which can spot people from 7km away.

One minute later.

Mr Cop [little half-smile]: You ah, you were speeding, do you know that?
Him [little half-smile too]: Sorry Sir, can give chance?
Me: !!!!!
Mr Cop [taking the 50 RM]: Okay, chance.
Him: =P
Mr Cop: =P
*cue eerie Barney music: I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family…*
Upstanding law-abiding citizen me: *speechless*

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