Rights vs Wrongs
Somewhere around, I wrote this down on black paper and pink ink:
Some of my wants [I wouldn't exactly call them 'resolutions'] for 2008:
ZEN & FUSS-FREE life [as I always tell Lund],
zen & fuss-free room,
zen & fuss-free love life [if any, as minimal as possible],
be my best for work,
love myself more,
be more patient with family,
love my friends more,
be happy, less angsty,
amongst other things.
I don’t think it is gonna happen anytime soon.
A change is gonna come, I said recently. It’s true, seeing the several life-altering decisions which have been consciously made for this year.
In my pursuit of zen-and-fuss-freeness, life sure isn’t zen and fuss-free now. Halting the ‘wrongs’ from last year, putting into action the decisions made since months ago, wondering about the impending risk to take - the decisions are easier to make than the actions to take.
I came back from Nihon stronger and ready to take on the world 2008, but my steps are faltering at the moment.
Two evenings ago, I struggled to keep my emotions in check when I spoke to him. Yesterday, a bout of nostalgia threatened to overwhelm when [another] he spoke to me with sadness and resignation in his eyes. Tomorrow, it will be announced.
Have I made a mistake? Or is it merely the [short-term] pain of moving out of my comfort zone?
Why do I feel so bad if this is the norm? Why do I feel so guilty when there should be nothing to feel guilty about?
Why is it that doing the ‘right’ things can feel so wrong?
- the core , the worker
s t a r m | s t January 10th, 2008
