plus qu’hier moins que demain

i hide you like the darkness guards a shadow.

behind every trembling plastered smile tells a complicated story which nobody knows of. the heart is crying at most times, it’s just that the mind refuses to listen to it. this pretense of ordinary-ness isn’t easy, yet what other choices do i have? time drags out slowly, like eternity, but certainly, and we are all led by the noose of it. i am awashed in memories remembered and cherished - sometimes it’s unbearable, sometimes i make it feelingless. but the emptiness, it widens and deepens like a chasm. this place is familiar. haven’t i come here before?

you hide me like the darkness guards a shadow.

it is as though we have never met; never wanted, never needed, never loved, never happened. you drape the heavy blackness over me, pull me under the cloak of invisibility, and i live like a sin that needs to be wrapped away and be forgotten. in the depths of disguise, no one finds a trace of me - i am nothing. i cannot show much, i am not allowed to do anything, for you, for us. this continuum of space between us, this silence that stretches for eons, it makes everything blurry. have i, we, ever existed?

i hide like the shadows in the darkness,

like a butterfly retreating with its injured wings, like the closing petals of a defensive jewelweed. they think they see me, but in truth, nobody does. it is easier to move around in the dark - no one can see the tears, the hurt, the anger, not even me - , but it is harder to live in it. at times i feel i can think, then i know i cannot..yet…

why have you gone where i cannot follow?

s t a r m | s t May 24th, 2007

• the core , the sentimental lover