Shooting Past
There is the niggling worrying feeling in my guts these days which I cannot seem to get rid of. Something is wrong something happened, but I don’t know what.
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Yesterday’s class was tough. I can’t recall the last time I’ve felt and looked so confused in classes. [Well okay, maybe during maths lectures in my college days...]
Nearing the end of the class, the teacher played a video to the class. It was almost entirely in Japanese and we were to try to understand what was being said. When a lady in the video rattled a really long sentence in Japanese at top speed, my mind blanked out halfway into the sentence. I turned to Friend E, intending to ask her for the translation, only to see her aiming both her index fingers past her head repeatedly and muttering “Piiiuuu piiiuu piiuu piiu piuu”, imitating the sounds of Boeing 747s zooming past her. Laughs. Cute. At least I wasn’t alone.
It’s so difficult to go on.
2 more Tuesdays to struggle through. Sometimes while studying, thoughts of him will creep in, and it is almost too much to bear. Why am I still struggling for? There is no motivation to go on. Technically I’m 1 class behind, but it feels as though I’m 3 classes behind. I can’t catch up, I can’t remember, I can’t code switch. It hurts to go on attending class. It hurts to struggle through huge amount of confusion of ‘o’ and ‘wa’ and ‘ga’ and ‘de’ and, at the same time, push sad painful thoughts away. Far be it from me to be a quitter, but this time giving up is round the corner. Resisting the urge to throw the money away to make things a little easier. Should I? Feel so low. Feel so demoralised. Feel like quitting everything for now.
Lately it’s been a little harder to breathe, a little harder to think, a little harder to smile.
You see, he is my reason.
- about funnies , the core , the dreamer
s t a r m | s t May 23rd, 2007
Please don’t be demoralised and quit. Life always gets that way at times, but then it will get better. Might take a long time, but it will eventually happen and you’ll have a reason to smile, and you’ll be thankful that you never gave up.
Hey, if you need help with Japanese, gimme a call or email me. I actually attended Bunka’s beginner’s class THREE times. lol. Not because I stupid lah. But because first time, I stopped after the first class and picked it up again years later and decided to start from scratch again. Then I stopped again, and second time, few more years later again, had friends interested to learn, so I decided to start from beginner’s class yet again to study with them. lol.
So I’m really really good at beginners’ class stuff now. haha. (can’t say the same for the later stages, totally mind boggling. trust me, it’s EASY now.)
hugggss
*hugs* hope it’s not what I think it is…
Well… u know how to get me.. i am a very (x100000) good listening ear
all - thank you, really..
qy - i don’t know. actually this is the first time i feel like quitting something that i choose to take up. which is weird. but bunka’s classes are really intense, don’t know how you can take it [and say it's easy!]. =/