s t a r m | s t November 10th, 2006
You know what? I feel that I’ve been wronged. By you.
But if this is the way you want it to be, so be it.
I won’t deny that I’m hurt. And puzzled. And frustrated.
But if this is the way you want it to be, so be it.
s t a r m | s t November 9th, 2006
Reason #49572 why I do not like younger men young boys.
There I was at Liat Starbucks, just chilling and enjoying my frap, waiting for the time to pass til I meet some friends for dinner.
2 SAJC guys [walked up from a couple of tables away]: *giggle giggle* Hey, our friend there.. *points at said guy who was trying to escape* he wants your number. *giggles* can? how old are you ah? *giggles*
Me: *disbelieving and disoriented*
Guy 1 [shouted]: OI, JASON! DON’T TRY TO RUN AWAY AH!!! You two can hold on tighter to him or not??
Everyone within a 5 metre radius stared at us. I wish I was invisible.
Guy 2 [nonchalantly, as if nothing has happened]: So can he have your number?
Me [sarcastically, thinking they would quietly leave after this]: I’m sorry, I don’t think he would want to date a 28 year old woman. *deadpanned* Besides, I’m not straight.
Short pause.
Guy 1 [in an even louder voice]: JASON!! CANNOT LAH! SHE TOO OLD ALREADY! 28 LEH!! AND SHE’S A LESBIAN LAH!! CANNOT MAKE IT LAH!! WHY YOU ALWAYS DUNNO HOW TO CHOOSE ONE!!
God, I wish the ground had opened up there and then for me to sink into.
s t a r m | s t November 5th, 2006
yesterday morning i got up and my mind felt as though it weigh a ton, with a million heavy thoughts jostling for space and so i muttered “i can’t take it anymore”, changed up tied up my hair zipped up my shoes ignored my mother’s “you’re going running? at this time??!” and escaped.
it has been a while since the last time, so i started off a little slowly, warming up. i could feel the humid air, feel my heart beating lightly against my ribcage. running is many things to me: exercise, solitude, escape, desperation. it is proof of being, my ability to control something - my movements, in contrast to what i cannot for other aspects of life.
within minutes, i started to speed up. my footsteps felt heavy and loud against the ground. can you really make a difference? i winced, closed my eyes for a moment, not slowing down. do you see yourself doing this 5 - 10 years down the road? there’s no chance for any kind of promotion, isn’t it? faster. harder. death is an inevitable thing but please don’t go so soon. perspiration started to drip down, i could barely feel the ground. so it is a silent goodbye, but why? i don’t understand it. the surroundings were a blur to me, my ponytail was coming undone, i found it hard to breathe. where did i fall short? and why did she think those of me? tears were trickling down my cheeks, i could feel my cough rising up my throat. this loneliness that widens and deepens like a chasm, save me. my sides hurt, my heart hurts, everywhere inside hurts. i ran like a pursued animal. i’m sorry i cannot, to you, you and you. the air seemed displaced, and things came and went around me like gossamer threads, and the path moved like a filmstrip beneath my feet. i’m sorry. i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry —.
i stopped abruptly and almost fell to the ground, gasping painfully for breath.
s t a r m | s t November 4th, 2006
I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE any kind of computer VIRUSES! People who INVENT them should GO AND DIEEEEEE and BURN IN HEEELLLLLLL!!!
s t a r m | s t November 3rd, 2006
I now know why insomnia has been plaguing me the past two weeks.
I can’t bear it.
I want to write about it, but I can’t bear it. My mind was filled with it on the long journey back home, but I can’t bear it.
As his/her life seeps away with each passing second, I sit here, disbelieving and helpless, knowing there is nothing I can do about it, nothing I can do to help, nothing I can do to stop it from happening.
s t a r m | s t November 2nd, 2006
Due to some incident that happened on Saturday/Sunday, things were blown out of proportion and two evenings ago, I entered the place only to see a new thread entitled: “Eye for a Guy - Starmist” where some of them jumped on the bandwagon to erm. impress me to be the winner for.. for… for I-have-absolutely-no-idea-what.
They tested their creativity by composing poems and trying to do say sweet stuff. It went on for quite some time before someone alerted me about what was going on in there.
Excerpt
N: OK…. This is war… Let’s talk it out here….
LP: Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
The stars in your misty eyes,
captures my whole heart.
AB: IT DOES NOT RHYME WOR!
V: Try harder can? starmist won’t understand this CRAP!!!
LP: Doesnt need to rhyme, for the heart is true and the soul is willing.
N: My poem goes like this:
can i ask u out for lunch
can i ask u out for dinner
can i ask u out for supper
and breakfast the day after.
[I choked on my drink upon reading it and had difficulty stifling my laughter, dammit.]
KM: Ha! Now my poem:
I love you
You love me
We’re a happy family
With a great big hug
And a kiss from me to you
Won’t you say you love me too?
E: That’s not a poem, that’s a song sung by a fat purple wobbly thing! You sure you want starmist to associate you with that?
KM: Love can conquer everything.
N: Can I bring u an umbrella [because it was raining]? someone tell me where she works pls…
KM: She’s working at a place, which I’m picking her up later. 
TK: She works at Wood Bridge. You go there now…
Me replying: N, okay let’s have dinner one day okay……….. with others.
N: Who’s called others?
LP: Hi starmist, supper was great that night! Let’s do one again soon, yup?
N: WA LAO… THIS GUY WHO HAR? So hao lian that he’s met starmist for supper liao….
I’m sure we’re fated to dine together someday…. with others probably…. Juz lemme find out who this others is first.
The entire thread is simply hilarious - all the replies and comments. Laughs. I got to hand it to you people for being so witty and funny. *impressed*
s t a r m | s t November 2nd, 2006
I’m drifting, drifting, drifting, til I find my way home to paradise.
s t a r m | s t November 1st, 2006
Life is what you make of it.
The better days of life were ours;
The worst can be but mine.
I know I have made quite a couple of announcements and appeals on my blog before, what with all the xtomic performances, world vision love loaf programme, DPA’s cents from heaven project, and some of you may go “not another one again“, but I hope you guys will take some time out of your busy lives to read this too-close-to-home appeal.
Jaywalk is a friend of a leukemia patient, and he is appealing for people to come forward to a Bone Marrow Donor Drive this Sunday. The details are as follows:
Bone Marrow Donor Drive
Date: 5th November 2006
Venue: Aramsa - The Garden Spa Function Room
Bishan Park II, 1382 Ang Mo Kio Ave 1
Time: 10am to 4pm
I hope that this entry, however brief however small, will somehow make a difference. Please go on Sunday if you can.
He would not let them take away my soul -
Possessing that, I still possess the whole.
