plus qu’hier moins que demain

‘Twas a bad start to the week as I found myself suddenly experiencing excruciating stomach pains halfway to my destination this morning. Probably something that I ate, I thought to myself, silently willing the knife-stabbing pain to go away. A train-stop later, I was kneeling [rather reverently if I may say] on the train floor, head bowed, cross in full view and hands clasped tightly together. Don’t puke, don’t puke, don’t embarrass yourself. Somehow the image of Ron Weasley in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets puking out slugs when his wand misfired on him crystalised in my mind’s eye. People around me noticed my unusual pose, but nobody said anything, which was good since I was trying really hard to pretend I was invisible.

My stop. Getting up as gracefully as I could manage, I was unprepared for the dizzyness and pain that struck me hard in the head. Wth is happening?? I stumbled seemingly-drunkenly towards the direction of the shuttle bus queue, not trusting my ability to walk up-slope to my block like how I do every morning. Every step felt like a journey of a thousand miles.

Halfway through, I staggered up the stairs, intending to walk towards the nearest building to rest, and the world spun. Deciding that the bus would be a quicker option to reach my block, I lurched unsteadily to the bus queue and waited for two seconds, and the world spun. The stabbing pain reached a high and I backtracked towards the stairs, and the world spun. I can’t, I can’t. I can’t take another step anymore, and with that, I dropped down abruptly and painfully in the middle of the walkway, body bathed in cold sweat and my head feeling as if it was going to implode [and I have not even stepped into the premises yet].

It was then when a kind female soul saw my distress and came to help me to HSA, which seemed so so far away. A few wobbly steps up and that was when it happened. I remember the awful feeling of that split second before it happened, I will always remember it. The world faded away and darkness came. The next thing I knew, my face was a few centimetres away from the concrete [Came that close to having a reason for plastic surgery. Ok ok, this has nothing to do with Dawn Yang.] and my right arm felt as though the blood circulation was cut off - a viselike grip was on it. White face, clammy hands, pain everywhere, couldn’t think anymore. A few more reeling steps, body halfbent, and there was a temporary respite of nothingness again. When I came to, my face was thankfully futher away from the ground. Daaammmmiiittt, this feels like dying. A couple more weak steps and the painful world disappeared again. This time, I almost welcomed it.

Wth happened? I have absolutely no idea. A bad start to a week. Sigh, nevermind. I’m tired and I’m going to sleep.

Happy Birthday. I guess I’m fading away, like how the world faded away for me today. Souls… come back together… different… but always together… again and again… to learn.

s t a r m | s t November 21st, 2005

• about birthdays , the core