Crash and Burn
s t a r m | s t November 29th, 2005
Remember the funny vidz I posted up in mid-october? Well, here’s another. The coolest music video ever!
[Snuck it from sister. =P]
Archive for November, 2005
That Which Was Said
s t a r m | s t November 28th, 2005
One tomorrow is worth two yesterdays?
So how much is today worth?
“Somehow you possess this bewildered, child-like innocence which draw people to you and make them yearn to protect you. But at the same time, there is deep cynicism and a dark side to you, and people just want to rid you of that and make you regain your faith in everything [in life] once again.That’s why.”
November Stars
s t a r m | s t November 26th, 2005
November is the month of the year when I get broke buying birthday gifts for majority of the special people in my life.
There was the birthday sandwiched between the two holidays which I did not do much because it was a truly bad day for me, and because she would have her special someone there with her. Happy birthday. Then the best friend’s one on the Sunday where she spent it with her sweetheart. Happy birthday. The only 21st in this year’s November which was spent running away from the vengeful victim half the time, [Forgive the Blair Witch Project-like video, she came after innocent xtomicers twice! A pity the vidz did not do justice to the hilarity of second time; 5 xtomicers were running in different directions - Percusso and I crashed into each other in our panic to get away, Taurus ran onto the road, Mango scampered to the basketball court at the other end, and when I headed towards the safety of the trees, I realised WealthySalt was already in hiding there, peeking out fearfully. Funny!] and playing noisy games the rest of the time. Happy birthday. The one in NY where I spent a befuddled Saturday figuring out how to send the present and wondering why it cost unexpectedlysodamnbloodymuch to send it. Happy birthday. The x-files one which I should not have bothered getting upset over with all those entries I saw but did because I care. Happy birthday.
And coincidentally, my recent entry into this new chapter of my life sees me knowing not one but five more scorpions. Sweetiepie’s birthday was an exciting one - she got a bouquet of lilies [my fav!] during lunchtime with a mysterious hand-written note, ‘Babe, finally 23! Guess who!’, which caused a furor, with us trying to figure out who it was from. Most of us suspected it to be from either of the two single guys there [cos only our people have access to that particular room which the lilies were placed at] and we had a field day, using wild speculations and insightful logic to aid our investigations.
It was a few days later when we finally mass-celebrated the five scorpions’ birthdays, all of us squeezing into the biggest room there [which is actually quite small so to speak].
Though it was a simple celebration, it was sweet and I felt happy to be part of this close-knitted, amazing group of people who care so much and want to make a difference to others’ lives.
So to end November with a grand finish, today’s her birthday. The woman who loves her children unconditionally, the woman who sacrificed her job for me, the woman who fell to her knees and cried when I, as an unsuspecting little toddler, swallowed a bottle of pills *cast a guilty look*, the woman who toiled and made our place a home, the woman who likes stuffing us with her wonderful cooking, the wowan who saw me grow up, rebel, then became a good girl. Happy birthday, mum.
No Reason Why
s t a r m | s t November 23rd, 2005
Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what’s going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven’t kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can’t say what’s going onStones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it’s not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonballStill a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can’t see what’s going onStones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it’s not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
Reelity vs Reality
s t a r m | s t November 21st, 2005
“So what if I am cynical? What does it matter?” she snapped, her tone belligerent and slightly defensive.
“The thing is…” his voice softened. “Look, my point is… I’m not going to hurt you.” The statement was simple and it was sincere.
There was a long suffocated silence on the other end of the line as she struggled to contain the unexpected dam of emotions that were threatening to break open the iron gates she has so painstakeningly erected up.
But you see, in the real life, it is different.
Fade Away, World
s t a r m | s t November 21st, 2005
‘Twas a bad start to the week as I found myself suddenly experiencing excruciating stomach pains halfway to my destination this morning. Probably something that I ate, I thought to myself, silently willing the knife-stabbing pain to go away. A train-stop later, I was kneeling [rather reverently if I may say] on the train floor, head bowed, cross in full view and hands clasped tightly together. Don’t puke, don’t puke, don’t embarrass yourself. Somehow the image of Ron Weasley in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets puking out slugs when his wand misfired on him crystalised in my mind’s eye. People around me noticed my unusual pose, but nobody said anything, which was good since I was trying really hard to pretend I was invisible.
My stop. Getting up as gracefully as I could manage, I was unprepared for the dizzyness and pain that struck me hard in the head. Wth is happening?? I stumbled seemingly-drunkenly towards the direction of the shuttle bus queue, not trusting my ability to walk up-slope to my block like how I do every morning. Every step felt like a journey of a thousand miles.
Halfway through, I staggered up the stairs, intending to walk towards the nearest building to rest, and the world spun. Deciding that the bus would be a quicker option to reach my block, I lurched unsteadily to the bus queue and waited for two seconds, and the world spun. The stabbing pain reached a high and I backtracked towards the stairs, and the world spun. I can’t, I can’t. I can’t take another step anymore, and with that, I dropped down abruptly and painfully in the middle of the walkway, body bathed in cold sweat and my head feeling as if it was going to implode [and I have not even stepped into the premises yet].
It was then when a kind female soul saw my distress and came to help me to HSA, which seemed so so far away. A few wobbly steps up and that was when it happened. I remember the awful feeling of that split second before it happened, I will always remember it. The world faded away and darkness came. The next thing I knew, my face was a few centimetres away from the concrete [Came that close to having a reason for plastic surgery. Ok ok, this has nothing to do with Dawn Yang.] and my right arm felt as though the blood circulation was cut off - a viselike grip was on it. White face, clammy hands, pain everywhere, couldn’t think anymore. A few more reeling steps, body halfbent, and there was a temporary respite of nothingness again. When I came to, my face was thankfully futher away from the ground. Daaammmmiiittt, this feels like dying. A couple more weak steps and the painful world disappeared again. This time, I almost welcomed it.
Wth happened? I have absolutely no idea. A bad start to a week. Sigh, nevermind. I’m tired and I’m going to sleep.
Happy Birthday. I guess I’m fading away, like how the world faded away for me today. Souls… come back together… different… but always together… again and again… to learn.
you, love, laughter, words, smses, smiles, photog…
s t a r m | s t November 19th, 2005
you,
love, laughter, words, smses, smiles, photographs, treats, care and concern, sharing, dvd-watching, volunteering, sadeaf, xtomic, national days, sequence, books, reading, mahjong, flowers, dinners at home, shoppings at taka, just lazing around, law, religion, family, society, sleeping, walking around, movies, thoughts, debates, assignments, interpreting, sign language, aglio olio pasta, fish and chips, crystal jade, little boy, mature man, similar framework of right and wrong, sincere, smart, considerate, tactful, thoughtful, upright, deep, integrity, not losing sight of what is important, humble, precise, sensitive, understanding, appreciation, friendship and so much more.
Happy birthday. I miss you.
me
In Strange Likeness
s t a r m | s t November 15th, 2005
On the way home, there was a guy [who looks suspiciously like one of Beebs’ colleagues] standing in front of me in the train. Nobody took notice of him, not even me, because he was just another nondescript working man travelling back home.
It was only when the train jerked slightly and he stumbled and lost his balance, tried to reach for the poles couldn’t reach for them in time reached out for the ten outstretched hands including mine that were trying to help him still couldn’t grasp our hands in time and tumbled onto the floor with his black laptop bag crashing beside him, that we gaped at him in helpless horror.
For the rest of his journey, I peeked at him and his colleague [only occasionally so, because I was caught up in my frustrated misery] and realised that he might be slightly drunk.
And sad. He looked really sad. Tears were threatening to spill out of his eyes and his nose was pinkish, not from embarrassment but from cryingtoomuch. He looked as if his heart got broken, he still love the one who broke his heart and that he went drinking to forget.
How strange that I can deduce all that from observation, I thought to myself. Is it because I am feeling that amount of sadness as well? And without warning, the tears that I had been holding back for so long flooded my eyes.
Lost
s t a r m | s t November 13th, 2005
shoulders back, arched spine
strappy heels, hand on hip
I’ll always think of you
Inside of my private thoughts
saunter slowly, hips swaying
eyes intense; unblinking, steady
With just the thought of you
I can’t help but touch myself
That’s why I want you so bad
palm caress from waist to neck
head tilt slightly up and side
Ooooh, I get so high
When I’m around you baby
I can touch the sky
twist and turn and touch and feel
hips roll teasingly, body arch sensually
You make my temperature rise
You’re making me high
Baby, baby, baby, baby
hand raising gracefully,
fingers curling, soft smile on curved lips
Can’t get my mind off you
I think I might be obsessed
bending forward, chin up
lowered lashes, moistened lips
The very thought of you
Makes me want to get undressed
lost in the music, passion’s dance
fast-beating heart, intoxicated
I want to be with you
In spite of what my heart says
I guess I want you too bad
strike a pose, last longing glance
turn away, slow strut off.
The Gaps of Time
s t a r m | s t November 11th, 2005
I sleep.
I see people and I see myself, but they do not notice me because I am a specter. the smile of a friend as she asked me, me who I can see, if I would like to borrow her dress, a concerned glance of a colleague who noticed the sadness in my eyes, a vivacious little kid calling out my name and running to hug me. they pass by me; slowly at first, picking up speed with each ticking second til everything around me becomes a blur of colours. fleeting scenes, passing glimpses. I reach out to touch them, but they move away from me. or is it me who is speeding ahead?
where is my subconscious bringing me to? where am I going?
time abruptly slow down and roll to a halt. there you are, your enigmatic eyes searching me. you gaze at me without a smile, without expression. suddenly, I feel real.
you reached for my hand and the world slipped from beneath our feet, bringing us to another world, and then another. we dashed through the grassy fields, the wind rushing past our skin. we danced under the starlit sky to music only we could hear, the shadows of the night swallowing us up. we ran and we ran, on moonlit golden-brown beaches, into sparkling green deep woods, across wind-swept sand of the sahara desert, along rocky stairs of mountains. the air was cool but it was also warm as we fell into worlds which were neither here nor there.
what were we searching for? who were we running away from?
we finally reached the jagged edges of the cliffs and all was quiet. there was no path forward except down. you nodded to the question in my eyes and I jumped, a short distance down, landing painfully on rock-hewn ground. two bundles came hurtling, one hitting me, inciting sassy retorts from me. then you jumped and you landed, with your head cushioned in my lap. my words died halfway in my mouth as we stared at each other. and this was the moment I have with you, a moment that belonged only to us.
the alarm rang, everything went black. I wake and I am alone.
