Broken
s t a r m | s t May 17th, 2005
Tell me, can one die from a broken heart?
Can one die from so much pain?
The blows keep coming.
Archive for May, 2005
Even in Flickr…
s t a r m | s t May 14th, 2005
as though we have never happened before……
This I do not understand. *sad*
a e i o…
s t a r m | s t May 13th, 2005
Back in the good old days which I thought would never end, he took me to places where I would never have gone without him. We had expensive dim sum in chinese restaurants where the waitresses wore cheesy-looking cheongsams. We made TB Plaza our haunt; watching movies, cutting hair, shopping for cds, having delicious pasta at the top floor. He led me into brightly lit shops like Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein, and I would amuse myself by being his fashion consultant.
And we done things that we would have never done without each other.
Lying quietly together just listening to music and the beating of our hearts, and then falling asleep. Cuddling up with a blanket to watch dvds. Wearing couple-ly things together; similar caps, similar shirts, similar shoes. Saying code words that only the two of us know. Holidaying in Bintan and getting all burnt and peeled. Discovering fascinating habits and idiosyncrasies about each other.
It was fun to do these things not because they were particularly interesting but because we did them together.
But he is gone and he is not coming back.
I can never hug and kiss him again. I can never wake up beside him again. I can never watch him sleeping again.
That perfect moment when he opened his eyes and frowned his slightly disoriented sulky frown - a frown that made him look like a small boy who has suddenly discovered that he is lost, a frown that never failed to make me smile - I won’t see that again. He is gone and there are a million things that we are never going to do together again.
I don’t want to give up on life and love and all the rest of it, but I can’t help myself. It’s because life and love and all the rest of it have given me a good hiding. Life has made me feel like death warmed up.
I’ve lost my faith and I don’t know how I can ever get it back. Because I still miss someone. And because I will always miss him.
Is that okay, my love? Is it okay to miss you?
Stripped
s t a r m | s t May 10th, 2005
So this is what it feels like to be dying a slow painful death.
Loss
s t a r m | s t May 8th, 2005
It’s strange the way the loss of a person can leave such a huge hole in the middle of your life. It’s not as if the hole they leave behind feels like the size of another human being.
It feels more like the size of the world.
Agony
s t a r m | s t May 7th, 2005
Sleepless nights, painful days.
Tell me, how do I pretend?
Outside, the rain is pouring and the world is in shades of grey. Cold winds blow and droplets splatter into my room. Life has never seemed so empty and meaningless.
Is it possible to feel so much pain?
And as I watch the sky cry from my room through the bars of the window grill and the bars of my soul, the tears pour endlessly and through the haze of tears, my world is blurry and colourless.
Shadows
s t a r m | s t May 6th, 2005
Shadows bleeding through the light,
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason.
Don’t let go on us tonight
Love’s not always black and white,
Haven’t I always loved you?
But when I need you
You’re almost here
And I know that’s not enough.
And when I’m with you
I’m close to tears
‘Cause you’re only almost here.
Bruised and battered by your words,
Dazed and shattered now it hurts.
Haven’t I always loved you?
Unspoken
s t a r m | s t May 6th, 2005
You asked me what I want for my birthday.
My unspoken answer was… ‘You‘.
