Heart
I felt my heart stop, I don’t know when it happened.
I think it was some time in the last few days
in the middle of the night, while it was raining, when the rain turned golden under the lights in the pgp foyer
it stopped, and it said “i give up”, and it ran away.
but then something else happened. i think it was life? so i thought about the something else, and i forgot that my heart had stopped.
I wonder who else has a stopped heart. it’s easy to hide because nobody can see it. not even yourself, sometimes.
so my heart ran away. i don’t know where it went.
it’s hard living without a heart. all the feelings have nowhere to go, and they mess around in my little room, fighting with each other. feelings have feelings too you know. they don’t always get along.
when i get into bed, all the feelings are there, crowding with me. it’s hard to sleep when there’s more than just you on the bed, and the bed is so small and feels like a rock. i lie down and i get up again, i lie down and i get up again. i try to study. well, the exams are coming. but i can’t sleep..
I kind of miss my heart..have you seen it? could you return it to me please?
This melancholic poetic piece is not written by me but by one of the other half’s friend, Sandra. I hope she doesn’t mind me putting it up here. See, thing is… I think it’s impressive. It struck a chord in me, (I’m sure some of you will relate to this too) and verbalised all the emotions and thoughts that are stuck within myself.
If you happen to find my heart, will you take good care of it?
- soundbites , the core , the quoter , the sentimental lover
s t a r m | s t November 6th, 2004
i wonder when this will happen. but its not enough. see, if the heart runs away, it should take its feelings with it. it shouldn’t abandon its feelings. that way you’ll just feel empty. you still won’t be able to sleep, but hopefully without your heart, you won’t be able to feel.
that way you won’t hurt. isin’t that what everyone wants? not to hurt?
I dont know about that, King. Because it happened before, see. The heart ran away and the feelings stayed. And the body becomes a battlefield for them. And no matter how much or how hard they fight, there is no victor.
Emptiness? It only comes after a long while, after the body is spent, after the feelings die. It may not even come. But even so, emptiness can be felt. The hollow feeling, the weight of the nights, the aching loneliness…
Nobody wants to hurt.. but reality bites.